Mayren Abashed

Sep 10, 2020

escaping

 There is alot of time on our hands and people find new ways to fill it if they can.

I play a web-based social rpg game. I will probably go back to WoW soon because it has a new expac coming out and need a new social game. 

I meet up with some amazing set of people for a couple of hours on google hangout on the weekend to play either jackbox or cards against humanity while we chat and escape our previous week. 

I read a ton of fantasy, sci-fi, light romance, and other drivel books by the dozens each month so I can wind down enough to sleep at night.

I could be learning a language or working on other skills but i have no motivation. I occasionally pick up painting a miniature here and there but there is no progress on them unless it is specifically for someone else because that is the only motivation to work on those skills is to get it done for other people. 

I could be working on my health because i let it go alot, and i am in tiny ways but i could focus on it.

I could work on my house but bad health gets in the way alot and when not ill there is no energy or motivation. 

There is WAY too much time to think, and introspection which leads down the trails to dark places and I have to dig my own way out in order to function and work each day. 

Every day we all seem to shy away more from news of politics and riots and people killing each other in the streets for just existing. Escape routes are all over in TV, and games, and general procrastination. It kinda feels like many are stuck in survival mode and pausing our bigger life goals. Waiting to just make it out to the other side before allowing ourselves to think of future again. 

This is the new normal... the race to escape and survive each day. 

yay.


Sep 9, 2020

6 months later...

 It's six months into the pandemic and there have been ups and downs but Covid19 has affected every human on the planet. It's going to be in history books.  

Life has ups and downs and we struggle with having more downs.  I like working from home. I like my house and my cats and fiancee and everything but I feel alone. It's not the worst alone time i have felt. Not even close, but it's significant. 

I know logically that changing hormones, immune deficiency issues, etc are big contributors to having down days.  I know I have only had a few hours here and there of actual time when there are no humans around in my own house and have privacy of any kind. It's still lonely in my head. 

Cut off from going to see friends we revert to google hangouts, facebook, texting and other social media.  There is a pressure to keep your thoughts to yourself because everyone in the world is dealing with the same big overall issues, at the same time I am. We are all in the same leaky boat trying to save our respective worlds.   No one wants to add your problems to their thoughts, no one wants to ease your mind when their own needs help. So I share tiny bits here and there with a select few when time and opportunity allows careful to not become a burden or let too much of my thoughts escape. 


Apr 19, 2020

safe and sound....

We have entered a scary new time in the nation where the US is locked up and locked down and ordered to stay-at-home and self isolate so we can maintain social distancing.
6 ft away from people, covering our mouths, only going out for the most needed items like food and emergencies. 

The pandemic started this year called Covid19 or coronavirus and this is just a bland little entry to remember it. 

All the people who are Extroverts are going nuts being in their homes all the time. They pour out through social media with a huge increase of volume to be noticed and get attention of any kind. They say they are suffering Depression and huge anxiety because they are kept from interacting face to face with other people.
I hope they remember how it feels and how this whole thing made them feel.

This is what introverts who have depression and anxiety deal with on a day-to-day basis like me.
We are forced into un-needed meetings, and social situations we can barely survive and have to fight to do well every single day by those extroverts who just "don't get it" and claim we should just be more of a "joiner" to get ahead in life.

We have over 20 million people on unemployment from whole companies who have needed to shut down.  We have a HUGE chunk of the US on work from home, doing teleconference on some new service called Zoom.  We have brave men and women working at city services, grocery stores, and restaurants providing invaluable ways to keep us all going.

We had an existing service for playing D&D online called roll20.com that is bursting to their server seams to keep more nerds looking to play D&D connected as they move their games to online format so we can keep safe.

It's weird times.
Instead of have a nice day as a closing greeting we now say "stay safe or stay healthy"

So my friends; Stay Safe and Stay Healthy